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Blk...
does not need a f**kin header man...
(Short Term Memory)
(The Australian way of life, bullshit and lies, never let the truth
and facts get in the way of telling a good story.)
(And if you believe that, I've got a bridge to sell you.)
+++
ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE
+++
sunday bloody sunday
+++
sundays page namen:
You're crazy man...
..
..
..
you f**kin betchya...
thanks for the complement...
+++
been one of those swapsies days
worked on a roof
moved some cupboards
and drove home with a ute load of
bicycles
___
{{{
"what the f**k could he want them for ?"
}}}
___
Wanted:
one 26" frame
suitable for a 26" mountain bike unicycle wheel
___
andrew's getting jealous
about time i rebuilt my surf wheel
i want it to be ready
for when the crowds leave the beach
less people around in the cooler weather
you can get more rank
and don't have to worry about
..
..
..
pedestrians...
+++
bopped into the city last night
..
Brisbane City
that is
capital of
Queensland
in
that lovely country
Australia
..
had a nice ride
on that there unicycle
with a dynamo powering the lights
kind of strange to ride
slows things down a tad
of course
after a couple of hours
i defy you to feel the difference...
....
met some nice people
saw some nice smiles
and seeing as how the police are adamant that i'm a bicycle
i've been asserting my right to ride on the road
helmet and lights
had a couple of cabbies annoyed
hey
i'm going about my business
you see
we lost a bicyclist a little while ago
an athlete
killed in a hit and run
and there's been some bad things happening in our streets
....
on the unicycle
) bicycle (
i get a little different reaction
mostly i don't get abuse
which is not what is happening
out there
for our bicycling brethren
the local shitty council
has a policy
triple
bicycle numbers over the next ten years
or words to that effect
of course the biggest gripe from the car drivers is
"they don't pay rego"
) car registration (
so i guess
at some stage
they'll introduce that very thing
but in the meantime
with
bicycles
we still have a little bit of freedom...
....
how long will it be do you think ?
before some bugger decides
that we should be told what we can and can't do with a bicycle...
+++
freedom is largely illusory
}}} f**king spellcheck OFF {{{
don't panic
this is normal ...
The Stoners Bible
+++
oh
and we're still coming soon
hey
we're a stoners organisation
things happen when they happen
if they happen
and you know stoners
..
we're gunna do this
we're gunna do that
well , we were gunna...
..
embrace your lethargia...
+++
"that's cool man ..."
+++
got a question
when a couple of nice young ladies
well
they didn't throw anything at me
start yelling out that they think you're clever
and you don't think they're being sarcastic
what do you do ?
+++
friday night
i'm bopping up the footpath
hang a left at the top
and ride around a group of young ladies
in my hand
is a half full cup of coffee
in a styrofoam cup
just as i get around them
i come a cropper
and i'm laughing before i even hit the deck
mainly at myself
but no-one there knows that
only just manage to stop running
before plowing into the cars waiting on the red light
okay
i was never really close
just looked that way
and i still had a third of a cup left in my hand
which i thought was cool
took a sip
freemount on the footpath with the cup balanced on my hand
and continue going rank ...
....
why do i ride a unicycle ?
} land surfer {
to impress women ya dickhead ...
....
does it work ?
..
who f**king cares...
+++
give me a
C
give me an
O
give me an
N
give me an
E
put em together and what does it spell ?
....
shut the f**k up man
and just hand me the bong...
+++
BRB
+++
chick gets in the truck
"what are the bongo's for ?"
oh they're just there to have something to put my water bottle in
it stops it falling over
"yeah right..."
+++
"so man"
hey dude
"i don't understand"
"you ride to impress chicks"
"but when they approach"
"you're, who f**king cares"
something like that
"why ?"
that's something i'd like to know
although i just got off the phone with Morticia
i told her the impress- care factor thing
she thought it was funny
there's no doubt there's an attitude
balance there too i think
but why ?
+++
i'm happy enough
with a lady friend
i see every couple of weeks
very little commitment
very little drama
a lady friend
who is only a phonecall away
..
keeps it fresh
when we saw each other at x-mas
it was like a first time
dancing around each other
nervous even
kind of a thrill
i mean
we've been sleeping together for more than a year
the lady is a thrill...
+++
if you're gunna go
go f**king HARD...
+++
riding a uni
is such a thrill
that a pretty lady
can walk up to you
suck your nipple till you want to scream
and you'll smile
say thank you
and go for another ride...
+++
land surfing rules ...
+++
of course
if i bump into a lovely lady
at the end of the night
when i've ridden enough
then the priorities kind of change...
+++
bumped into the young fella from work
sometime last night
in the city
he came running out of a cafe
called my name
said g'day
wouldn't have heard him calling
but the music had died
batteries i think
made me a little more interactive
hmmm...
..
but he's a mate
and a nice fella
and he's gettin the hang of a five tonner
good enough
that myself and our other passenger
could ignore what he was doing
and have a yack
out there on the highway
the b-doubles
and the semi-trailers
can be a little forbidding
they tend to take up a fair bit of the road
and they are moving
know what i mean ?
it's a bloody big country
the trucks have to bloody hook
} go f**kin fast {
or the groceries don't get to the bloody shelves on time
everything in your fridge
everything in your pantry
everything in your house
has spent time in a
truck
....
a
slow
ponderous
maladorous
wonderous
truck
....
have a goodie brother...
+++
cones are ...
+++
sweet as ...
is probably
the phrase i use the most
in general conversation
but up till now
i hadn't written it down
now why is that ?
and who f**king cares ?
where's that bloody attitude adjustment ?
+++
BRB
+++
what's that over there man ?
"that's a woman"
what's a woman ?
"how many cones have you had man ?"
enough ...
+++
course
the attitude has been there for a fair while
doesn't really make much difference
straight or bent
and hanging it on the uni
well ...
+++
i'm crazy ?
you're crazy
hey
we're all crazy
crazy is
as crazy does
as crazy will BE...
sweet as ...
+++
"how was your week-end bud ?"
sweet as ...
thank you for asking
have a goodie ...
..
..
..
Tarz ...
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tuday's saturdey night
tuday's page naming ceremony:
If I'm not back in an hour, send beer...
f**k it
send beer anyway...
+++
honest steve
i think the rectal probe stickin outta the arse of the crocodile is a
dead giveaway
now put the stick down...
+++
i've found a new kick
it's like
obeying the law
and stuff
well
attempting to
you know what i mean...
....
pull up at the light
leaning on a post on the side of the road
parked next to a police car
and i'm f**king legal
well nearly
look legal anyway
..
boppin around the city this arv
just before the bloody storm broke
incidentaly
} f**king spellcheck off {
i was sittin in the car for at least thirty seconds before the
heavens opened
..
had a nice time riding around in the spitting rain
getting used to my helmet again
carrying a vid on top
it gets a little heavy
so i'm doing neck exercises
had a lovely ride
a couple of nice people gave a clap and a cheer
and i said
thank you
dancing away
on Jennifer
riding down the boulevarde
on the edge of the river
waiting for the dusk...
+++
ride up to large metal grate
turn uni
slide
hear a gasp over the noise coming from the stereo
squeeze between post and bus seat
rhythm changes
ride up to gutter
ride over gutter onto roadway
cross road
and weave up the street
keeping time to the music
get to the red light
step back up onto footpath
and ride back down the opposite side of the street
because the obstacles on this side of the street are farther apart
and more suited to the rhythm that is currently playing
..
and we ride on
looking for the conditions that best suit what is currently playing
the noise in your ears
dictating the lay of the land
land surfing
the lay of the land...
+++
let's have a little breaky poo
a cone it would seem
while listening to the rhythm of the driving rain
beating down on the roof...
+++
If I'm not back in an hour, send beer...
BRB
+++
sepmes and i
were havin a rave
about how writing is a masturbatory experience
and it is
very pleasant
i'll just consult the bat computer
it knows everything
ah f**k
i've made a syntax error
it's gotta be me
the bat computer is never wrong
....
don't you love people
who can honestly tell you to your face
that they never ever get anything wrong
man
i was a f**kup for so long
i thought it was a profession...
+++
so
am i a writer now ?
what is a writer ?
who cares ?
wouldn't we rather know where that next cone is coming from ?
writing can be fun
wandering around
trying new things...
....
BOING
BOING
BOING
BOING
THUD
SLITHER
THUD
g'day Rufus
i see by your prescence that you have fallen into my trap
now do you want to explain to me about how you and your mates
ate up my dope patch ?
now Rufus
you know the government has just set this years
kangaroo cull kill count
at i think sixty million roo's
that's a f**kin lot of your mates
now if you don't want to join them
stop eating my f**king dope ...
+++
bastards
+++
so Rufus
when you're with a lady roo
you know
what's it like ?
i mean
what have you got to do for her
to get her like in the mood
oh you mean it's a little like us humans
well fancy that
so
do you descend to the animal ?
or are you really animal ?
pretending to be otherwise
life is a performance
and ALL the stars a stage
so Rufus
you follow the forms
you dance the dance
the dna dance
and you do what
instinct
tells you
..
hard wired
into the brain
to tell you what to do...
....
we are funny people...
+++
"till the walls fall down"
Jebadiah
+++
mif was asking
on JJJ
what are you doing tonight guys
well mif
i'm sittin around
killin time
writing up my webpage
and chillin...
listening to mif on jjj
while the rain beats down
while i wait for it to stop
so that i can go out and dance on my unicycle
..
good enough ...
+++
"Where's your head at ?"
"Don't let the walls cave in on you. "
Basement Jacks
+++
"The girl of my dreams is giving me nightmares..."
Machine Gun Fellatio
+++
go HARD mif...
can ya have a sexy laugh ?
+++
at last
i've taped an episode of
Rage
Rage is like
video clips all night
and it's a good place to get the top fifty
all the music you listen to on the radio
visually
provided by the abc
government tele
and i know i'm not at peace with myself
if i'm not chasin the video's of the songs that i like
i've gotta see that title
in print
to remember it
weird huh ?
do get a little dissappointed sometimes
first led zeppelin video i ever saw
i stopped listening to their music for three months
i was so dissappointed
they weren't at all how i pictured them
but in time
i accepted them for who they were
and i could once again
fly with the zeppelin...
+++
my mother bought me my first zeppelin album
Led Zeppelin Three
the lady had good taste in music
Pink Floyd
was our house's theme music
you have to travel with music
you get to choose the theme
you can be where you want to be
....
"I'll meet you on the dark side of the moon..."
Pink Floyd
....
people
who live in luna city
on the moon
call themselves
loonies
..
..
..
the loonies...
+++
"daddy"
yes babe
"was that really a fantasy ?"
what babe ?
"getting money from a backpacker"
i spose, it's rumoured to be impossible
"why did he pay daddy ?"
i think he wanted to keep the girl happy
"why daddy ?"
it's boys and girls dear
and she was awfully pretty
..
little brother did complain
after he'd had his ear bent
by the lady who's head was turned
by the cute english backpacker
our neighbours already think we're weird
they should've been around
when we were knocking around
with the lesbian cricket team
see
we liked this lady singer
and went to her gigs
and so did the lesbian cricket team
and some of us
like myself and a few of the girls
joined her tae kwon do class
see , she was second dan blackbelt
and a fun chick
and a fantastic singer
and shit
she could fight
sparring with that lady
was like
fighting for a draw
with a tiger snake
f**king interesting...
+++
"The first time ever I saw your face..."
Roberta Flack
+++
this song haunts me...
Going Back
Words and music by Gerry Goffin and Carole King
I think I'm going back
To the things I learnt so well in my youth
I think I'm returning to
Those days when I was young enough to know the truth
Now there are no games
To only pass the time
No more colouring books
No Christmas bells to chime
But thinking young and growing older is no sin
And I can't play the game of life to win
I can recall a time
When I wasn't ashamed to reach out to a friend
And now I think I've got
A lot more than just my toys to lend
Now there's more to do
Than watch my sailboat glide
And every day can be
My magic carpet ride
And I can play hide and seek with my fears
And live my days instead of counting my years
Then everyone debates
The true reality
I'd rather see the world
The way it used to be
A little bit of freedom's all we lack
So catch me if you can
I'm going back
+++
Coldplay-Yellow
Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah, they were all yellow.
I came along,
I wrote a song for you,
And all the things you do,
And it was called Yellow.
So then I took my turn,
Oh what a thing to have done,
And it was all yellow
Your skin
Oh yeah, your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
You know, you know I love you so,
You know I love you so.
I swam across,
I jumped across for you,
Oh what a thing to do.
Cos you were all yellow
I drew a line,
I drew a line for you,
Oh what a thing to do,
And it was all yellow
Your skin,
Oh yeah your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
And you know for you,
I'd bleed myself dry for you,
I'd bleed myself dry.
It's true, look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine for you,
Look how they shine.
Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And all the things that you do.
+++
understand now jen ?
" i think so daddy"
people aren't so hard to understand
we're all wired pretty much the same
love ya hard sweetheart
wanna go for a ride ?
"you bet"
okay let's go...
..
cop ya later
blk...
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-----------
Friday 1 February 2002
+++
Todays pain tile:
Go Go Gadget Unicycle...
..
..
..
Go
is a unicycle game
and it's played like this
first
you need a city with a relaxed attitude to unicycles
second
star riding your unicycle
at every intersection you come to
you have a choice of direction
you must keep moving
but whatever you do
has to be legal
you can cross to the footpath and cross as a pedestrian
but you have to do it
before the corner
of course
you can always turn left
Turn Left at Any Time With Care
of course
if you drive your car on the right side of the road
this may not work
which is an
S.E.P.
Somebody Elses Problem
you'll get the picture
oh
by the way
i am a shit
GO
player
i like to break the rules...
+++
The oddies rule...
Sit Down...
+++
i've been a bit of a slack bugger this week
was away for a couple of days midweek
we ended up spending the night in the coldest town in Queensland
of course this time of year it's very pleasant
Stanthorpe
wander into the
Stanthorpe
RSL
Returned Servicemens League
or words to that effect
for a meal
and
wouldn't you know it
i sit down
sip my beer
look up
and at the table facing me
is a woman
that is an absolute dead ringer for Sabrina
same bum
same legs
similar features
but with bigger tits
hey
i call em like i see em
and yeah
we did a bit of that there meeting of the eyes
it's a strange world...
+++
Did ya see that show ?
Women who used to be men
Who used to be women
With big tits ...
+++
i wrote this in the last news archive
....
sorry
what's that ?
yeah , i'll have mine poached
hey ?
do tell...
....
thought it was a premonition
the guy i work for
who is a diabetic
has never been good at following a diet
and this week
for the very first time
when we sat down for breakfast
he ordered poached eggs
twice
all up
we had three meals while we were away
so that makes
two out of three
hmmm...
+++
got a bunch of emails to have a gander at
so i might go do that small thing and mosey on back
oh
"Jennifer"
got lights today
courtesy of Sara
with a dynamo
very strange to ride with
bit different getting up
but fun as
and of course
i've started wearing my bicycle stack hat
which has
incidently
a huge gash cut out of the top
being for the placement of my video camera
which we will reinstall in the fullness of time
something wicked this way comes
..
..
..
FIGJAM...
F**k I'm Good Just Ask Me...
..
..
..
BRB
+++
just gotta duck away again
won't be long
i promise
well
..
+++
gotta go to the pub soon
time waits for no-one...
+++
"The Search For Eternal Life"
my preferred scenario
they find a drug
an immortality drug
they do two years testing
it works
they abandon the guinea pigs
they price the f**ker so high
only the megarich can afford it
somebody studying the original guinea pigs notices an odd thing
after five years
they lose control of their bodies
virtual quadraplegia
FULLY
alert
unable to move a muscle
as long as they recieve nutrient
they will stay alive
nature is always full of surprises...
+++
we can't all live forever
not enough resources
unless of course
we expand
go out into the cosmos
and continue to expand
kind of how our economic system works
expand or die...
+++
so fellas
some of us would like to know
did you really go ?
see
we've been lied to so much
who knows what the truth is anymore ?
and some of us are a bit dissappointed
the whole space thing
well
it didn't really pan out to what you told us
did it ?
more's the pity
we were kind of looking forward to a holiday on the moon
..
..
..
you know ?
..
..
..
+++
"Jennifer"
is starting to look kind of gadgety
cool
that kind of fits
..
now all we need is suspension...
+++
off to the pub
adventure awaits
awaits what ?
awaits me...
+++
BRB
+++
have fun
and remember the silver rule
don't take yourself too seriously
in fact
take the piss out of yourself
....
give that boy a unicycle
he could use some more pain...
+++
Love ya's f**kin HARD
BLK...
+++
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