Dear Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for
it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you
quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you cam home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut,
had
cooked your favorite meal
and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes,
and
went straight to sleep after watching
all your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want
***
or anthing that connects us as husband
and wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore;
whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your Ex-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to
Melbourne
together! Have a Great Life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. Its true that
you
and I have been married for seven
Years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my
soaps so much because they drown
out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID
notice when you got a hair cut last week,
but the first thing that came to mind was "You look like a girl !" Since
my
mother raised me to not to say anything
if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my
favorite meal, you must have gotten
me confused with my SISTER, because I stopped eating ****k seven years ago.
About those silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price
tag was still on them, and I prayed that
it was coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50.00 from me that
morning. After all of this, I still loved you
and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten
million
dollars, I quit my job and bought us two
tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything
happens
for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have a the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said
that the letter you wrote will ensure you won't
get a dime from me. So take care,
Signed
Your Ex-Wife, Rich as Hell and Free !
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born
CARL.
I hope that's not a problem.
Beers & Cheers
Roger
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